where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
