How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
