it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
