I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
