If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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