so that wasnt chicken after all
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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