They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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