oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
