I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
