Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just fell off a train. Bad.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
