very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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