I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
