this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The best walk of shames are on the highway
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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