I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
