im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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