i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
