Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
