I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
