is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
