But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
