Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
