i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
