Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
