dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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