Have you finally orgasmed yet?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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