My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My vagina is officially offended.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
