my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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