I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
