How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
