I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I look better un-naked...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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