; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
