I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
