I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
