He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
