so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
soo... how was my night?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
