he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
