your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
