I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My liver just broke up with me...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
