That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
