Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
