I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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