Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
