When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
