2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
