What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I love you. Go after that dick
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
