Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Damn victory sex feels great
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
