That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
