She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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