If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
