Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
