Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
worst night to have a conscience
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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