I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
